Made for/make as
Some weeks have passed by since I wrote the last time about the make better online course. You’d think this is caused by a lack of interest, the sheer reality of daily grind that always seem to intervene projects like this, or perhaps the relevance of the course. And yes, there were some days when I had better things (!) to do, or more urgent or obviously more important ones. But surprisingly within these duties and pleasures the questions about making and making better stayed with me.
In these few weeks by the inputs and questions of the course I realized one fundamentally important thing:
I have an artist’s heart. I always had and I always will have.
This heart is a huge part of me, of my personality and my soul. Even if – or especially because – I am a trained and studied theologian, passionately working as a consultant, teacher and speaker, I (and others) will always have to respect this essence of me. In fact: Being an artist will make me be a better theologian, a better consultant, teacher, speaker, writer, colleague, boss and of course wife, friend, human.
Over the last weeks I had some projects that provided me the possibility to reflect this in a special way: I wrote and edited a book, I organized a conference (together with my amazing fellows at work), and I also started a small side project based on a new book of hours. All these ventures filled me with wonder and joy, with courage and determination. And they changed so much of me and in me. Then I was able to let free what moves me to connect with other people. A mind blowing analogy to the questions I am thinking about as a theologian: I can only move people, if I am already moved.
These past few weeks I also have reflected a lot about my past as a self employed designer. I have to admit, this time of my life has a lot of dark parts. I have forsaken a lot of people, I was totally unable to cope with german bureaucracy, and struggled with unordered or unlucky team constellations (I mainly was just hired to do the executive stuff, not the creative parts). The funny thing is that you always would argue that this career choice would have had meet the needs of my artistic heart. But it was the other way around: Over all the paper work problems, the cold start as a freelancer in a totally different field and all the uncertainties, I was not able to respect my artistic being. I withered it. Until I was lucky enough to get into an environment and into a team, that supports me as who I am.
I don’t know what will happen next, and to be honest, I am a bit scared to open the next chapter of the course. I do feel relieved, changed and heartened even if nothing has changed on the outside, though. And I am wildly curious like only an artist can be.